Away, but not forgotten
I know that I haven't been on the boards much lately. I haven't fallen off the wagon, by the wayside, or whatever cliche comes to mind. But I have been struggling a LOT in my personal life lately.
Yesterday was my 2-year surgiversary. I spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about how my life has changed in that time... which feels like such a short time, looking back.
Despite knowing intellectually that it wasn't true, part of my always insisted on believing that losing weight would "fix" a bunch of issues in my life. In truth, the PROCESS of losing weight has instead forced me to a place where I have to choose how to deal with those issues. The weight was never the issue... the issue was my response to things and my use of disordered eating to deal with it. Certainly not an easy thing to admit for someone who spent 46 years pretending to have her life "together."
Today, I am healthier than I think I ever have been. My weight is at a good, stable place. Sure, I would love to lose another 10-15 pounds, but honestly what American woman wouldn't? That makes me "normal" (haha!). I am no longer someone that small children stare at or who people pity or criticize because of my weight. I can walk into a room unnoticed... participate in a gym class without fear of dying (or worse, being singled out in some bad way)... buy clothes at any store I choose (EXCEPT Lane Bryant!). And the irony is that I've discovered myself along the way.
I have found that I like exercise and feel better when I do it regularly. I've discovered that I love to dance, have a surprising competitive streak, and truly enjoy giving support to others. I've rediscovered my love of cooking and have found that cooking without guilt (i.e., "healthy" choices) has a wonderful new dimension to it. I've found that I can spend 15 minutes per day on myself, planning my meals and clothes for the next day, and that that time pays off in decreased stress, more time on the things I want to do, and a reputation (as someone told me at work the other day) of always looking "put together."
I've also discovered that I have to remain vigilant and that my food addict behaviors are always just a mouthful away. And that I owe it to myself to address the things that are making me unhappy. And that therapy can be a very positive way to initiate change or to deal with the things that you cannot change. And that above it all, friends are the most valuable resources and tools that we have in our journey of life. They are ultimately what makes it all worthwhile.
So while I've been off having my own little and big issues... and have been "ignoring" the board for a while... you have not been forgotten. I promise to try and do better going into year 3 - you keep me on track and I hope that I can provide some continued support and insights that will help others.
If you've stuck with me this far in this long and rambling post, thank you.... and i truly mean that.
Karen
Yesterday was my 2-year surgiversary. I spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about how my life has changed in that time... which feels like such a short time, looking back.
Despite knowing intellectually that it wasn't true, part of my always insisted on believing that losing weight would "fix" a bunch of issues in my life. In truth, the PROCESS of losing weight has instead forced me to a place where I have to choose how to deal with those issues. The weight was never the issue... the issue was my response to things and my use of disordered eating to deal with it. Certainly not an easy thing to admit for someone who spent 46 years pretending to have her life "together."
Today, I am healthier than I think I ever have been. My weight is at a good, stable place. Sure, I would love to lose another 10-15 pounds, but honestly what American woman wouldn't? That makes me "normal" (haha!). I am no longer someone that small children stare at or who people pity or criticize because of my weight. I can walk into a room unnoticed... participate in a gym class without fear of dying (or worse, being singled out in some bad way)... buy clothes at any store I choose (EXCEPT Lane Bryant!). And the irony is that I've discovered myself along the way.
I have found that I like exercise and feel better when I do it regularly. I've discovered that I love to dance, have a surprising competitive streak, and truly enjoy giving support to others. I've rediscovered my love of cooking and have found that cooking without guilt (i.e., "healthy" choices) has a wonderful new dimension to it. I've found that I can spend 15 minutes per day on myself, planning my meals and clothes for the next day, and that that time pays off in decreased stress, more time on the things I want to do, and a reputation (as someone told me at work the other day) of always looking "put together."
I've also discovered that I have to remain vigilant and that my food addict behaviors are always just a mouthful away. And that I owe it to myself to address the things that are making me unhappy. And that therapy can be a very positive way to initiate change or to deal with the things that you cannot change. And that above it all, friends are the most valuable resources and tools that we have in our journey of life. They are ultimately what makes it all worthwhile.
So while I've been off having my own little and big issues... and have been "ignoring" the board for a while... you have not been forgotten. I promise to try and do better going into year 3 - you keep me on track and I hope that I can provide some continued support and insights that will help others.
If you've stuck with me this far in this long and rambling post, thank you.... and i truly mean that.
Karen
Karen,
So glad to see you posting again! Happy Surgiversary!!!
Sorry to hear that you have been struggling with personal issues. I can empathize with you on that one! This past year has been challenging for me as well, both personally and food addict wise. I know that you are out there, just not posting all the time because "life" gets in the way!! I feel ya....
I have found this board and the friends here so important to me staying sane! We are here for you, no matter what!! I like reading your posts because you give insight like no one can.
Ramble away...
Love, Beth
So glad to see you posting again! Happy Surgiversary!!!
Sorry to hear that you have been struggling with personal issues. I can empathize with you on that one! This past year has been challenging for me as well, both personally and food addict wise. I know that you are out there, just not posting all the time because "life" gets in the way!! I feel ya....
I have found this board and the friends here so important to me staying sane! We are here for you, no matter what!! I like reading your posts because you give insight like no one can.
Ramble away...
Love, Beth
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Karen,
First off congratulations on your surgiversary!!! I so related to all that you wrote and when you spoke of the addictive mindset, that belief that every "addictive" personality I've come in contact with has that if I just do this or that, I'll be happier, better somehow, only to find out that the core issue is and always remains the same, that is dealing with the demons of either past experiences and/or the ones centered in our belief systems, turning negative to positive and realizing it is always a day to day thing, sort of that kiddie game, where you use a hammer to hit the gopher and it pops up someplace else. . . and I love what you said about planning your food and clothes, that prepares you for some measure of success.
Congrats again!
Laureen
First off congratulations on your surgiversary!!! I so related to all that you wrote and when you spoke of the addictive mindset, that belief that every "addictive" personality I've come in contact with has that if I just do this or that, I'll be happier, better somehow, only to find out that the core issue is and always remains the same, that is dealing with the demons of either past experiences and/or the ones centered in our belief systems, turning negative to positive and realizing it is always a day to day thing, sort of that kiddie game, where you use a hammer to hit the gopher and it pops up someplace else. . . and I love what you said about planning your food and clothes, that prepares you for some measure of success.
Congrats again!
Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
And there's Karen - so eloquently putting what I was trying to say when I came back a week or so ago. Amazing with words, with your candicy (both with yourself, and with others), and amazing work - physically and emotionally.
You have summed up so many things I can relate to on a VERY personal level, Karen, and thank you.
I'm glad things are going well for you and that you haven't "fallen off the wagon" - I know you'd reach for a helping hand before you let that happen, though.
Love you girl!
P
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Hey Karen, glad to see you posting.
You know how we are about ramblers here.. go for it! Sometimes we all need to ramble. You just keep doing what you need to do for YOU. Sometimes we all need to step away from the boards and get ourselves together.
We are always here for you whenever you need us.
Congrats on your 2 years! I can't believe how far we have all come!
You know how we are about ramblers here.. go for it! Sometimes we all need to ramble. You just keep doing what you need to do for YOU. Sometimes we all need to step away from the boards and get ourselves together.
We are always here for you whenever you need us.
Congrats on your 2 years! I can't believe how far we have all come!
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